Chicago Banana

Personal musings of female residing at times in the greater Chicago area.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Living up to my name

I am finally living up to my name. See, I chose to be the duchess of hope not because I saw hope as something which I possessed a lot of but because it was a trait I wanted to acquire. I was tired of facing problem after problem and giving up hope.

The really weird thing is that my hope is alive and intact. I hope I will be friends with this man again. And though I plan on ignoring him for awhile, for the rest of my life if necessary, if he ever wants to resume friendship, I'll be willing to do so. I won't initiate, but I won't push him away if he does.

So I finally have hope. It is actually a small percentage, but I am still smiling. And it is this profound knowledge that everything that went wrong is an isolated incident. He can't handle being friends with a girl, but I still believe that people want to be loved. I still believe that there are people, men and women, who will let me love them.

I still believe.

Meanwhile, if I ever get around to having this may kids, my fourth daughter's middle name will be Hope. Or maybe I just need to get to work on my books.

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