Chicago Banana

Personal musings of female residing at times in the greater Chicago area.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Sometimes it's worth it...

I've stopped feeling guilty about reading my sister's xanga, mostly because I set up one of my own and could have stumbled upon it independently. And I am really starting to appreciate knowing what she has to say, which was really why I started in the first place. As bad as this probably sounds, eavesdropping was fairly normal in my household; not like listening at doors, but keeping your ears open to a conversation going on in the next room. Most of the time it is the only way to know what is going on; in that respect it is almost expected.

Right now I am just proud. Her entry today talks about our growing up experiences and how people can be so offensive, mostly because they don't understand the way in which we grew up. My professor doesn't like me calling my family a separate culture, but after completeing a major in that subject I am still convinced that is what we are. And when I have doubts I listen to my sister and hear her echoing my heart.

I saw an article a few weeks ago about third culture kids, children not raised in a specific culture but rather in a independent culture not really associated with any other culture. It mostly happens to children of missionaries and ex-patriates. Third culture kids often don't feel like they fit in, like they have a lot of shallow friends but not a lot of close ones. And they have learned to accomodate to different people depending on what that person is like.

A great deal of my life I spent wondering if I have any close friends, and now I realize my sister feels the same way. And the thing is that she is a ton more popular than I, so it is not that. It is not something I ever really realized. Personally I find that I am super accomodating to people. Not here, not on this blog, for I know ultimately that I write for myself here, not for anyone else. But my new xanga, that is specifically written for the general populace, and I intentionally try to exude a shallower persona there, so as not to scare people with the real me. That is so hard, though, since I don't know who is reading it, and I can't tailor my posts to that one person. The article actually mentioned that third culture kids just need to figure out who they are and go with it. I think I know who I am, but I fear that it is not something others will accept. I have yet to find someone who is that like me, who can understand most of the references I make, other than my siblings. One of my friends thinks I like a certain board game, which I have played a few times and I can actually beat him at more often than not. The board game is okay...I don't really care. I just want to spend time with my friends and if he wants to play the game we'll play the game. He once told me I should discover what I want to do and look for people who share that interest. What if no one else does? More often than not I find myself sitting in my room alone, trying to appease a lonely introvert. How does that even work?

But you know what, I am grateful for my accomodation tedency because it combined with a helping of honesty probably is the thing that makes me a better evangelist. I mean, ultimately the Holy Spirit gives me the words. But I can accomodate to people better because I have spent my life trying to do so.

Funny, when I was a sophomore I applied to be an RA and when I went in to the office to ask why they had turned me away, one of the two things they told me was that I didn't get the position because I don't relate to those who are not like me. The other thing was that I didn't have good reconciliation skills, which was odd because I went back to my room and logged on to a chat room to distract myself, and remembered that I was in the middle of calming a fight between members. So that idea was thrown out. And over the years I have come to realize that I just told them the wrong things at my interview. I do get along with those different from me; I have to, for everyone is different. The other alternative is that I don't get along with anyone, which I guess is always a possiblity, but if it is the truth I am too dense to realize it.

2 Comments:

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    Thanks, Shoshauna

     
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